evaluation of pitch and treatment

We made our pitch at the end of the last half term and we got some good general feedback. We had to include our ideas for the film title, our one-liner, our treatment and also the synopsis of the film that the sequence is attributed to. This was so that we could show how much we had planned and thought about the opening sequence and the storyline of the film.
This is the treatment that we used:
'Friday, late afternoon, Harry,s sitting in class, staring at his teacher. Soon his mind goes out the window, but he doesn't realise, he thinks he is still in his conscious state. Harry is in the woods, there is little light, the ground is damp. As he moves he hears noises around him, his senses are on fire, he can hear and feel everything, but his vision is dark and blurry. Everything seems to be flashing, his eyes seem to be bouncing off whatever he looks at. He is tense, drightened, something is scaring him, he hears music, but does not know whether it is in his head or somewhere in the trees. He tries to shake it off but becomes dizzy and unaware of his surroundings. As he continues to walk he comes across a stream, he sees something red, is it blood? He passes the muddy stream aside and heads towards some rocks. He feels ill and afraid as he climbs up behind a rock and tree, he sees a body, panics and turns around. He moves away, turns around and trips onto his knees, someone is above him and he collapses in terror. He wakes up but cannot be sure if what he has seen is in his imagination or if it is more real than he could ever dream of. His mind is full of confusion, he argues with himself whether to go back and explore what he saw, but is it too dangerous????????'
This allowed us to give the audience an idea of what might happen without giving too much away, thus adding an air of mystery to the opening sequence.